after the storm

I have always hated storms… I say “hated” when “scared effin’ s***less of” would be a far more accurate and certainly more honest nomenclature, but then again I’m a grown @ss woman and still cannot admit that meteorological phenomena scare the bejesus out of me… go figure… meh… what can ya do?.. So yeah, always “hated” them and waited anxiously so that they pass, so that nature calms down and I don’t feel so small and insignificant and powerless in front of the Great Mother’s wrath anymore (kinda bringing up some teeny weeny mother issues I may or may not have been dealing with…) 

And when storm Eunice hit us last week… well… it was no fun… no fun at all! And I’m not going to go into details because these have no place in a blog about positivity and kindness and joy of life… they were the exact opposite of those things… kid you not! But, as it happens in life, literally and metaphorically, storms do tend to pass. The fear, the noise, the drama, the danger, the anguish, all of it subsides and calmness replaces the panic… sooner or later… and then comes this overwhelming feeling of relief! This “I’m still here, bitches!” realisation, when you feel all over your body and nothing is broken and Elton John starts singing “I’m still standing” inside your head until you grab your phone and play the actual song, dancing barefoot on the living room rug while your cat looks at you with what dangerously seems like disdain… or you know… something along these lines…

You know what I mean, right? Storms come and they pass. It’s the law of nature. And yes, sometimes they have you reaching for Xanax (I’ve seen in a movie…) and it feels like you’ve lost some years off your life until the sun shines again but… in the end, you are still here! You’ve made it! You have prevailed! That special moment right after the storm, when you feel so strong and confident and so blessed to have survived and all the bad feelings just fly away out of your system, that moment is “better than shoes”! And it is almost as guaranteed as the storm which is pretty much totes guaranteed because, well, life… just, for good measure, avoid the Caribbean during hurricane season…

saturday morning coffee

Right. So, despite the fact that I still have to work for a living, I have adopted the lifestyle of a senior citizen. I wake up between 5:30 and 6:00 (and I start working right away, sweater over pyjamas, high bun and all… I make an effort, you see…), I almost never eat after 17:00 because, ahem, indigestion, and I go to bed at 20:00 with a camomile tea, ready to fall asleep about an hour later and wake up the next day and do it all over again. Granted, two to three times a week I also walk 10-14k that I’m guessing would be a tad too much if I were 78 instead of 48 years old… perhaps… and I don’t say “in my time…” very often, only every now and then… but otherwise, totes senior citizen!

And while this lifestyle may sound boring to death, it actually works for me and I’m passed that phase in my life that I actually gave a s**t about whether others approve of my choices… unless they pay my bills, I pay them bitches no mind (as Ru Paul’s mom always said). True that!! Now… what was I saying?…Yes. Senior citizen lifestyle. Not only it works but it also offers me some great pleasures! Like my Saturday (very early indeed…) mornings. I’ll explain and you’ll see.

I recently started drinking coffee again, hadn’t done it in over a decade. And I really like it! But as I don’t need it to function, like, to get my brain to work, a cappuccino for me is part of my relaxation routine, either on weekend mornings or when I’m out with a friend and we slowly sip and chat. Saturday morning is the best because it is when I first manage to unwind from the working week. So I’m back to loving coffee. Also, I love watching “The Graham Norton Show”! I know! Who doesn’t?? Best guests, best interviews, best fun!  But obviously I cannot watch it live on the BBC every Friday night because it airs almost when I’m about to wake up! So I record it. And when I wake up a few hours later on Saturday morning, there it is, all ready waiting for me! I get up, put some lactose free milk for Lucifer (otherwise he will attack the airoccino the little glutton…) and make my really large cappuccino, sprinkled with cinnamon and accompanied by a piece of cake or almond roles. I take everything back to bed, put on Graham and enjoy my coffee with Luci lying next to me on the bed, both purring with delight… ahhhh… honestly, even the crappiest of weeks feel much better when they end up on such a Saturday morning! “Better the shoes” without a doubt!! 

a long walk…

During these past two years, or maybe a little longer, I came close to losing my mind quite a few times… I’m sure you all can relate to that, we all have been fighting with everything we’ve got not to go completely bananas… fear, anxiety, loneliness, loss, despair, boredom and pressure at the same time… personally, I managed to keep my marbles (or most of them…) thanks to my cat and the long walks I have been taking around the city. Now, of course I have talked about Lucifer being the true light bearer in my life (and I’m not done talking… just so you know…) so let’s talk “walking” today  😊

I started walking more or less when the madness started, little by little after I had stopped for many years… various reasons for that really… I mean I would walk around at work or on holidays for tourism and for shopping and stuff, but not to really “walk”, you know? Merely for the pleasure of just walking, I mean. But when we found ourselves stuck at home, with the city practically a ghost town, with no shops or cafés open and being totally afraid to be around people who could carry “the virus”, walking around the city on my own became the only thing that would keep me sane! The cold, fresh air would help me clear my head from work stuff (working from home was very hard for me in the beginning), give me time to think on personal matters and would keep me moving a bit so that I don’t just crash on the sofa like a sack of very, very sad potatoes. And it was so good, I became addicted to it! I would go out for a walk even at 6am or with subzero temperatures! 

And then, it got better! I started meeting up with my best friends for a “walk n’ chat”! I think my excitement was contagious (not unlike “the virus”). Weekdays usually with S, after we finished our work, and on the weekends with M! And life had a meaning again, I was socialising! And we would just spend two, three hours walking and talking, pouring our hearts out, curse and laugh and be ridiculous or miserable, but being together! I discovered the city I live in for such a very long time and, truthfully, I didn’t know! And the thing is, it’s beautiful! In every season! And yes, my feet do hurt after a 14 km walk, a distance that’s not unusual, because in my mind I’m a 26yo but my body… is 22 years older! But hey, who cares? My heart is full of joy! I rest for a day and then I’m back on my feet, literally! And when these lovely walks can be combined with a cup of coffee somewhere or a nice lunch with my dear friends, oh, I’m in heaven! I need nothing more, really! 

So, walking around: better than shoes? Absolutely! But… do wear proper footwear, ok? 😉